FATshion Journal Blog by Lilly

Yeah, you read that right! Your eyes do not deceive you... Long Live the Mother Fuckin FUPA! May the Fat Upper Pussy Area reign forever! I am a fat woman with a fat body, that includes fat thighs, a fat stomach, a fat face, fat arms and a Fat. Upper. Pussy. Area. And my God, I am on the verge of turning 33 thus by my calculations, it has taken me well over 21 summers to FINALLY look forward to the summer. I am at my heaviest I've been in my adult life, 210lbs if you must know- AND I am finally wearing shorts without shame! And for the first time in sooooooooo many, many, many, many, many, many... Well you get the gist... It has been years since I looked forward to bathing suit season for the actual bathing suits. As we officially come to mark the end of summer I would like to share that loving myself is a continuous journey. There are days I wish I were as fat as the days when I thought I was "fat" - at 163lbs. And then there are days that I simply thank G...

Selfie at Cliff House Entry date: October 7th, 2015 I just turned 30 years-old a couple hours ago and I'm feeling all kinds of ways! But above all those feelings is love! The most important element of my birthday celebrations is to feel loved and I do-ooohh! So many feelings, so little time... but in reality I've had the last 10 years to come to terms with turning 3 0! I remember being 20 and praying for love, peace of mind, good health, a meaningful life and above all a small circle of friends and family that love me. I felt sooooh lost at 20 and I needed to be found, it has been a journey and it continues to be... but I have a partner that loves me unconditionally, I have made peace with so many of my deamons, and I have had a physical and I'm doing okay-ish... Update: 10/27/15: Minus growing kidney stones... Everyday, I work on making my life meaningful by loving and speaking honestly with loved ones and most importantly myself.  Though I...

It's that time again... Time for my FATSHION post! I strongly believe that no matter your size a day at the hair salon, always manages to make you feel prettier. And today, thanks to the randomness of life I finally got to cut my hair! After over 14 months of delaying a haircut... I finally treated myself to an evening of some self pampering at the hair salon! And as I sat down at the chair, I couldn't help but beat myself up! Ugh! The hair studio I go to (that I haven't been to, in over 2yrs) has floor length mirrors, so you're literally staring at yourself sitting. And you must be wondering... ...Aaaaaand, your point is.... Well, sitting down, I feel, it makes me look wider... Like my thunder thighs (which I do love) look more thunderous! And my double chin, that I normally don't have to look at and be in denial of, was staring at me straight in the face. And I kept on forcing myself to look at the mirror and truly and genuinely like what I w...

Life: Knock Knock Me: Who's there? Life: Mean Spirited... Me: Mean Spirited, Who? Life:  Mean Spirited Insecure Jealous Bitch! And that Bitch that I am referring to, is Me... I have fallen off the wagon- the wagon of self-love! Our venue is officially booked and the next item on the list is our Save the Dates and I am also suppose to officially begin looking for dresses- The "Looking Fly in my size 8/10 jeans" girl I use to be is back inside my head and having an argument with present "Still looking fly in my size 14 jeans" woman. Size 8 /10 convinced size 14 to hold off on sending the Save the Dates... Take a wild guess as to why I haven't??? I feel ugly and I feel ugly because I am fat! Now - WAIT... I know that I have said I am more than ok with being fat and that I do love myself and honestly - I do find myself attractive! (Toot your own horn!) But my self-esteem, recently, is common sense!  (My common sense) I am quick to point out all of ...

Well, well, well-  talk about 'putting your money where your mouth is...' 'practice what you preach...' 'talk the talk - and walk the walk' - so on and so forth... This past weekend I had to eat my words... But before that-  two previews... Vinh and I spent our Valentine's Day weekend in LA - more specifically Disneyland! And it was most definitely lots of fun (Just minus my EGH attitude; I am beginning to grow concerned about but this a positive post so I'll focus on those concerns at another time) We love going to Disneyland and thought a V-Day date night would be perfect! And then Preview #1 I got this bright idea that we could do our pictures for our Save-the-Dates at DL- so we'll see... Vinh and I had planned to visit the park on both  Saturday and Sunday  - Saturday went as planned we took our pics...Check out a sneak peek...of my color scheme and outfit...  at Instagram tab at top of page- And then on Sunday we were suppose to ...

I am constantly thinking about what to write about and the subjects come at me like locust in an end of days movie and then I just feel more scatter brain and overwhelmed to write anything at all... And recently, just when I thought there was no wrecking ball to break down my writer's block,  it was brought to my attention that this blog is seeming more like a cluster of rants... And I honestly think that's what they are and will be...??? Since joining the 21st Century (For those of you that don't know; I just a got a smart phone and barely joined Facebook and all other forms of Social media) Naked, only in his arms, for life, literally and figuratively Well now, I have this compulsion; I have a thought and I want/have to share it immediately BUT sometimes I let the thought simmer and let it simmer - Until I can articulate my thoughts ... So Please bear with me while I send out a search party to find my blog voice -and in the mean time her...

The story of my life and will always rear it's ugly head... Ok... I got something to tell y'all... I mean... take a seat if you haven't done so and if you're sitting then you gotta lie down... It's top heavy news... It's bananas! and I am still in disbelief that I have decided to write about this... Here it goes... I. AM. FAT. Goodness gracious it felt so good to get that off my chest... phew! Now I know, you're thinking "Thanks Captain Obvious"  and you're also thinking "why, what's, with all the dramatics..." You see today is Thanksgiving and some time ago I told myself that I wanted to lose weight before the holidays so I can stuff my face wit hella food... AND A few months before that, one of my initial thoughts after being proposed to was "I guess diet begins soon" (which I obviously have not done) AND a few months before that, at the beginning of the summer I began to plan a diet and exercise regimen A...

This is my GAD and OCD  at its best! Disorders my ass... Ok - my state of mind when I came up with this blog entry, I was pissed off and irritated but today, after a whole day of Disney movies and lounging I have had a hard time getting started (I have also been planning our next Disneyland trip this weekendand it needs to be perfect since it's my x-mas gift for my parents and niece) Now! I am the kinda person when I hear someone say "How are you doin?" and someone responds "cant complain" I think to myself   "Oh, I bet you I can" Hence the title of post #3 And now I'm trying to channel that person and eureka!  Found the anger! Grrr.... (Yeah that made my point) Here is the back story, last Sunday I met with my friend,  +Sylvie Roussel   that I hadn't seen in over a month (thanks to her for tracking me down) And obviously there was a lot to catch up on! It has been busy busy - when I wrote Post #1 It had been the first weekend in month...