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| The story of my life and will always rear it's ugly head... |
It's bananas! and I am still in disbelief that I have decided to write about this...
Here it goes...
I. AM. FAT.
Goodness gracious it felt so good to get that off my chest... phew!
Now I know, you're thinking "Thanks Captain Obvious" and you're also thinking "why, what's, with all the dramatics..." You see today is Thanksgiving and some time ago I told myself that I wanted to lose weight before the holidays so I can stuff my face wit hella food... AND A few months before that, one of my initial thoughts after being proposed to was "I guess diet begins soon" (which I obviously have not done) AND a few months before that, at the beginning of the summer I began to plan a diet and exercise regimen AND a few months before that... Well you get the idea...
Back story; I have had a weight/body image issue that started the moment I hit puberty - outta no where... boobs (that I always did pray for) hips, and- dramatic music here please- dun, dun, duuuuun... Thuuuunder Thiiighs!!!
I was like, "Oh shit!" At 13yrs-old I went on my first diet/exercise regimen, the first of many- And I was highly encouraged by all so it made me feel like if I'm being encouraged maybe it's because there is something wrong with me... But I was also manipulated into believing that I was just improving myself to be "better"
And I say manipulated because that is truly what happens to us... by our parents, other family members, friends, and my good ol' best friends, all forms of Media!
Oh boohoo! So what? Build a bridge and get over it! Right??? The answer is yes and no...
I have built a bridge and I have gotten over it - My problem is with people who want to tear down my bridge - who think they have the right to tell me to lose weight - who have a problem with me being ok with being fat!
Just to reiterate... My problem is not being fat, my problem is people having a problem with me being fat... (like that lady that just put up that picture of herself with her kids titled "what's your excuse" and honestly more power to her -what she has done is amazing! She looks fabulous but she recently did an interview accusing fat people of being an EPIDEMIC that instead we need to praise hard work and dedication (yeah cause only fit/skinny people are capable of that??? WTF...really??? did she not see those dance moves from @MsAmberPRiley and don't get it twisted love she's not anomaly either )... And again I partially agree with her! BUT don't we see enough of skinny praise on tv, magazines and more importantly on the facades we so meticulously edit and post on our FB pages and/or instagrams...
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| You can either choose to smile or frown: And Smiling's my favorite! |
*BTW I am in shape... circle is a shape after all ;-)
I love being fat! And I consider myself a healthy fat but even if I weren't that is my prerogative! But just because I love being fat doesn't mean I haven't had body image issues in the past or in the present- Now, You've heard of the Freshmen 15 well I gained the Freshmen 50! Further back story: I went through a depression my first year in college... resulted in getting my first "F!" (actually it was an unauthorized withdrawal but same difference)
[Sidenote: Pic Above :I wanted the most raw pic of myself but one day I'll be brave enough to do this in just bra and panties]
At my heaviest, I weighed 207lbs! I decided either I could become soooo fat that they would need to saw through a wall to get me outta the house or I could change it - so I did (also thanks to a kidney stones scare) I lost 50lbs in the course of a year thanks to exercise, strict diet and an incy-wincy bit of experimenting with anorexia (honestly, a smidge! I tried it for like about 5 weeks to only consume 700cals day) AND I dropped to my lowest weight in my adult life of 137lbs...
In the time since I have gained SOME (more like a shit load) of that weight back and now I am at 183.5lbs (I'll let that set in... yeah I actually put my weight out there in black and white...Ok you may continue reading) and any time that major weight gain begins to creep in I do a little exercise to maintain myself because 207lbs was not fun FOR ME (if you're happy at that weight more power to you)
Although I love being fat I still have body image issues; I still sometimes wish certain areas were tighter and flatter but I am not going to sacrifice my donuts and my cupcakes to make other folks happy- If I do it'll be when I choose to do so for me, myself and I...thank you very mucho...
So back the f**k off - If I feel like losing weight it'll be on my own time, whenever the f**k I feel like it!
Gobble-gobble mudda fauckers! Prime rib and Turkey here I come!!!
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