FATshion Journal Blog by Lilly

Note: I started writing this blog in March while on our way Home to the Happiest Place on Earth ---days before resigning from my job of six years... I’ve always enjoyed my time sitting at a desk looking out a window… Which is probably why as I sit thousands of feet above the sky I am inspired to pull out my laptop (That I’ve packed to finish work emails – on my day off)  but  as I type those words- I’ve chosen to f*ck that sh*t – I am going to use my laptop to blog! I am a little  conflicted on where to start –  I’ve had these thoughts, these words, this blog on my mind for a long time… (Clears throat: it has been well over a year since my last blogpost) I haven’t written for fun in ages and I know myself well enough to know that I shouldn’t have taken such a long break from journaling/blogging (Friendly FYI – I maintain a handwritten journal in addition to my blog) But even before the summer 2019 I stopped all forms of journaling completely – I insta-s...

* Trigger warning- (I recently saw a movie that I wish had started with one) so the following blogpost will include: anxiety, self-harm, suicide Thank you readers and followers that interact with my blog and my insta-stories, this one's for y'all. Thank you for providing affirmations and concern over my little corner on this Earth. Necklace from TYPO Thi will be some heavy shit, I know... I usually manage my functional depression really well and I made it throught the Holidays without fully bumming out so I thought I was in the clear for 2019. But God has a sick and twisted sense of humor because while I was planning weekend activities and #ootd shots - life slapped me with a wave of anger, shame, desperation, fatigue and overall put in a really shitty-fucking-selfhating mood. I could feel myself sinking and drowning but rather than ask for help, I put on a brave face and smiled- (I am sometimes of the "live in denial" mindset) Until Feb 18th when I lite...

Picture from Pinterest: How I like to write: Cole Ryan Though I take a lot of pride in my weirdness and especially now that I can celebrate my anxiety out in the open - I still have trouble talking about the ugly side of my anxiety issues - So here it goes: meet the uglier side of the tiny person inside my head that more than often wishes I didn't wake up... it's why I try to keep her so hidden... because to show  vulnerability is as real as it gets... Last night was a tough night! Yesterday was my first day at my new job! Yay! And it was a good day! My super sweet co-worker got me chocolate chip muffins! And the cutest plant! And I was ready to burst into toot-toot mode when I got home... Instead when I got home - I was greeted with hostility- And I was not expecting it at all... And that's when I became aware of how fragile my state of mind really is... And rather than give into it - I thought I would just separate myself from the situation but that proved to ...