FATshion Journal Blog by Lilly

Note: I started writing this blog in March while on our way Home to the Happiest Place on Earth ---days before resigning from my job of six years... I’ve always enjoyed my time sitting at a desk looking out a window… Which is probably why as I sit thousands of feet above the sky I am inspired to pull out my laptop (That I’ve packed to finish work emails – on my day off)  but  as I type those words- I’ve chosen to f*ck that sh*t – I am going to use my laptop to blog! I am a little  conflicted on where to start –  I’ve had these thoughts, these words, this blog on my mind for a long time… (Clears throat: it has been well over a year since my last blogpost) I haven’t written for fun in ages and I know myself well enough to know that I shouldn’t have taken such a long break from journaling/blogging (Friendly FYI – I maintain a handwritten journal in addition to my blog) But even before the summer 2019 I stopped all forms of journaling completely – I insta-s...

Yeah, you read that right! Your eyes do not deceive you... Long Live the Mother Fuckin FUPA! May the Fat Upper Pussy Area reign forever! I am a fat woman with a fat body, that includes fat thighs, a fat stomach, a fat face, fat arms and a Fat. Upper. Pussy. Area. And my God, I am on the verge of turning 33 thus by my calculations, it has taken me well over 21 summers to FINALLY look forward to the summer. I am at my heaviest I've been in my adult life, 210lbs if you must know- AND I am finally wearing shorts without shame! And for the first time in sooooooooo many, many, many, many, many, many... Well you get the gist... It has been years since I looked forward to bathing suit season for the actual bathing suits. As we officially come to mark the end of summer I would like to share that loving myself is a continuous journey. There are days I wish I were as fat as the days when I thought I was "fat" - at 163lbs. And then there are days that I simply thank G...

I remember feeling so pissed off last year and this year I'm really doing okay. I had a rough mental year - I fantasized on more than one occasion a world without me and it took an outstanding toll on me. But in a good way, because after the darkest hour comes light because I feel like I am more centered; I feel prepared because in this rough year, though I contemplated ending it all, I also developed tools* to help me deal with those dark thoughts. *Healthy tools, i.e. It has a lot to do with placing myself and folks around me into "boxes." I already compartmentalize my life and have started to do that with those that surround me. I have a better understanding of what to expect of people and I understnd better what to expect of myself. By no means am I resentful of the boxes people live in; this tool has helped me cope with feelings of being wronged, ignored or unloved. Being angry only shortens your breath and poisons your soul - "so baby, d...

I find myself constantly apologizing for the following life choices: Being married and not having kids Being married to a skinny guy Being fat and being married Being fat and not giving a fuck  Going to Disneyland more than the average person "should" Wanting to spend time alone Laughing too loud Burping too loud Craving more time alone with just me and my hubby Referring to my furry kids as my kids etc etc etc And I am not apologizing to anyone in particular but in conversations and in telling about my weekends, my vacations, my time with my husband- I find myself saying sorry or having to explain my life choices.   And as it usually happens, (I get all reflective and shit during my birthday) and the stark realization is that I don't have to apologize anymore - not that I ever had to but the feeling of "needing to" is subsiding! My life with my husband and my babies is a life I have built for myself because it fulfills me.  We don...

We just got back from The Happiest Place on Earth! My home! Disneyland! I am writing this post from the comfort of the passenger side, with the beat scenery a girl can ask for... The ocean and my husband driving us home after a #MiniBAEcation to one of our favorite places. I live for the fifth Sunday of the month since I don't have to work and I get to enjoy a full weekend with my husband. And more so I get to enjoy a full Sunday with errands, sightseeing, champs and playing dress up! I said it in my previous post - I was really looking forward to our next mini BAEcation because of the clothes! (Well that- and the new Frozen show that premiered this weekend... If you LOVE Frozen, you'll appreciate this show, if you do not - save your time and money and just watch the DVD version) Besides the show, I was really looking forward to wearing a skirt I purchased, online, from Forever 21+. I just didn't have a T-shirt! Agh! The horror! I know! But th...

Purse: Aldo, Shoes: Keds, Dress; Target It took me a bit longer than expected to post this outfit but hey my middle name isn't procrastinator but it should be! This Fatshion post is about my one shopping weakness! Otherwise known as Dress-tination Syndrome! Continue reading for more information. I wore this outfit to Carmel for our wedding anniversary. For our actual Wedding Date Anniversary, the day before, I had worn an off the shoulder blouse in recognition of my wedding dress' bolero! (Another blog coming soon - regarding strapless bras;-) But I was most excited for this white eyelet dress from the WhoWhatWear collection. Btdubs, the collection is still being sold at Target ! Their Target collection is one that I have been uber excited to buy and wear this spring and summer and all at an affordable price!;-) Last year's weather during our wedding was just super legit so I thought a perfect white-crisp dress would be just as legit this year! But it wa...

I just finished watching a film about Iris Apfel! She is truly fascinating! Women that make something of themselves by being TRUE to themselves are my spirit animals! But more so, this woman! Especially after I read one of her more inspirational quotes: I didn't grow up with much but I've always known that I love clothes! I love that you can express yourself by simply putting on clothes! So learning about Mrs. Apfel and then reading this quote, blogspired me! On my #JournalFatshionBloggingAdventures -  When you don't have much, you have to be more creative and more resourceful with what you've got and I believe that's always pushed my style! Thus, I would like to share one of my style tips that I am most proud of! Recycle, reuse and REPURPOSE!  This "vest" was actually one of my favoritest go-to light cardigans from Forever 21 because it goes with everything! But because I wore it so much for like 7 years, the sleeves began to fall apart wit...

This past week I learned that my marriage was attacked and minimized, my body was subjected to meanness but rather than sulk at home and blame all the injustices on someone else - my husband and I followed through with our plans for a Friday game night full of laughs (imagine my husband acting out this song  - because in this home we try our best to laugh off drama) and continued with our V-Day plans for a Saturday afternoon in Carmel with our kids.  So here is my outfit of choice for a day trip to Carmel! And the theme of this Fatshion 101 post: patience ! Sales require patience! If you follow me on Pinterest, you know that I LOVE casual wear, and casual does not mean frumpy! So be prepared to see this denim jacket, purchased at a Levi's outlet, on most of my Fatshion posts;-) It takes on many, many forms.  In this instance, I went with long sleeves and popped my collar for a little flare. This blouse from Madewell, I have been saving for this partic...