This past weekend I had to eat my words... But before that- two previews...
Vinh and I spent our Valentine's Day weekend in LA - more specifically Disneyland! And it was most definitely lots of fun (Just minus my EGH attitude; I am beginning to grow concerned about but this a positive post so I'll focus on those concerns at another time) We love going to Disneyland and thought a V-Day date night would be perfect! And then Preview #1 I got this bright idea that we could do our pictures for our Save-the-Dates at DL- so we'll see...
Vinh and I had planned to visit the park on both Saturday and Sunday - Saturday went as planned we took our pics...Check out a sneak peek...of my color scheme and outfit... at Instagram tab at top of page-
And then on Sunday we were suppose to go back BUT we didn't...
We already had planned a late brunch with a mutual friend of ours and time catching up was great! This brunch was awesome not only thanks to the conversation(Preview #2 This conversation on its own will be an upcoming post... So to be continued...) And the other great part was the unlimited mimosas! Followed by Georgetown Cupcakes!
So now for the juicy naked details (Umm poor choice of words or excellent- depends...) Needless to say we were a little more than hindered to make the drive to DL - Long story, short, we ended back up at Vinh's sister's place and then we had lunch with future sis-in-law and her other half... And during lunch they told us of this spa place where there are different saunas and you could get facials and massages! All for a reasonable price-
Seeing as the day before Vinh put up with my anxiety over our pictures I said, oh what the hay... why the hell not??? I'll tell you why not cause I gotta be naked!!!
Never have I ever wanted to be so damn invisible! Now, I know that I am an advocate for self-love and self-acceptance... so imagine how silly I felt in that ladies' locker room - full of naked ladies that had absolutely no inhibitions walking around in their birthday suits! They were the living and breathing - talking of what I've written about- so I thought what the hell-ish...
Ok - I thought - I'm never gonna see any of these ladies ever again... EXCEPT for the fact that I would! Did I forget to mention my future sis-in-law would be walking around the same locker room!
And my reluctance to be naked is nothing personal on her... I have been reluctant to be naked since I was a baby in diapers... My mom always jokes that I potty trained myself because I didn't even want her looking at me...
So imagine, YEARS of that reluctance building up over the years in middle school locker rooms- when your body is going through puberty and then in high school- when your fellow females are the most mean and still in college - when you have finally developed the adult body that you'll most likely have for the rest of your adult-life- And barely beginning to accept what God has blessed you with and you're trying to appreciate just that.... a body that has...
A full set of hair- A set of ears that can still listen to the sound of rain in the middle of the night- A mouth that can still speak what the mind thinks and the heart feels- A set of arms that can still pick up a flower to smell - A set of hands that can hold on to her lover's hands- A torso that bears the markings of how much she's grown (Stretch marks)- Thighs that rub so close together that I swear I was a mermaid in my past life (Hells yeah) And a set of legs that can still walk, jump, run and most importantly dance...
It's a process... I look in the mirror- full length mirror- without clothes and thank God that He still blesses me with a vessel in which I can I live my life-
So here comes the moment of truth... Do I get naked??? I do-ish... The first part of the spa day I had to walk in shorts and a t-shirt without a bra or panties! I am apprehensive...
As soon as we're done we decide to take a shower- I walk back and forth to my locker - in which my future sis-in-law is right next to-
Everytime I walk back and forth these women are buck-naked!
And I begin to feel invisible... And not in a bad way... These women didn't care about being naked in front of one another - let alone me - there were women of all shapes and sizes and ages - Moms and daughters, daughters as young as pre-puberty... Rather going into judging and questioning - I begin to realize that I truly do have an issue with nudity and that I wish I didn't!
So - I go back to my locker to remove my clothing as my future sis-in-law comes to tell me she'll be in the jacuzzi - where again- you gotta be naked AND the showers are right next to it - So I again hesitate on removing my clothing and walk back and forth one last time... I try to convince myself that I don't need the shower and that I didn't even sweat that much in the saunas!
BUT I decide what the hay! So then finally! I remove my clothing! I wrap a towel around my naked body and the towel doesn't cover me entirely (because my luck, there weren't any bathrobes!!!) and head to the showers! And here in the shower/jacuzzi/steam room place All the ladies are NAKED! I pick a shower and there's a mirror to the right of me - so I shower and there's a profile view of my naked body and I remind myself of all those talks that I've had with myself in the privacy of my own bedroom- And I feel liberated for about 5mins!
All that hesitation for 5mins of liberation... it was exhilarating and I figure I could do this again...Baby steps... I just need to process the whole experience...
***Soon after, we lay down for our facials and as we're laying there - there are a group of girls having a conversation about some kinda food or other and one says to another... "I cant have that"... the other girl says "why not" and she responds "I don't wanna get... (as if she barely spotted me sitting right next to her) fat..."
Like I said, baby-steps... I don't wanna let that comment ruin my 5mins of liberation- hence this post!
***I've noticed that saying the word FAT in conversations around FAT people has become like looking around the room when you're about to make a black joke around black people... Only difference, people still make the fat comment even with fat folks around... interesting... right???Picture to the left: Fully clothed for facial, wearing our VDay gifts , floral, pretty cool, Mickey shirts purchased at Kitson by future sis-in-law... Making duck faces, makes me wonder if ducks ever take selfies making human facial expressions...hmmm
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