I am the Dirty Thirty... Mitches!

Selfie at Cliff House

Entry date: October 7th, 2015

I just turned 30 years-old a couple hours ago and I'm feeling all kinds of ways!

But above all those feelings is love! The most important element of my birthday celebrations is to feel loved and I do-ooohh!

So many feelings, so little time... but in reality I've had the last 10 years to come to terms with turning 30!

I remember being 20 and praying for love, peace of mind, good health, a meaningful life and above all a small circle of friends and family that love me.

I felt sooooh lost at 20 and I needed to be found, it has been a journey and it continues to be... but I have a partner that loves me unconditionally, I have made peace with so many of my deamons, and I have had a physical and I'm doing okay-ish... Update: 10/27/15: Minus growing kidney stones...

Everyday, I work on making my life meaningful by loving and speaking honestly with loved ones and most importantly myself. 

Though I felt lost, I will miss my 20s - because I will always look back at them with so much nostalgia. There were so many times I was touched by an angel where my smarts failed me but God was there watching over me.

It was also during my 20s that I rebuilt my relationship with God. I attended a prayer group to network with Dave Cortese and instead a prayer was read about journeys, about the Holy Spirit being within us and simultaneously, being everywhere.

The prayer moved me to tears and I started to attend mass, I started talking to Him or Her.

For so much of my early 20s I let myself believe that I was smarter than I was... and resented God for everything that went wrong in my life.

And in my late 20s I rebuilt my relationship and I credit that relationship with God as to why I love and speak as honestly as I do.

But to believe and love God doesn't mean that I'm perfect. Hence, why I wrote a super-d-duper angry, emotionally driven post, we'll call it my last late 20's act of rebellion - because now at 30 - i am officially an adult-adult! Yikes!

I will post that angry rant on New Year's eve to mend a mistake I made a couple of new yearses ago...

The post has a metaphysical meaning to me... and I will leave it in 2015 as one of the greatest lessons and events in 2015!

I am looking forward to my 30s to build new friendships that build each other up, that love my husband, that are honest with me and themselves (not just when it's convenient to "their" truth) that include me in their lives, that understand that I am ride or die for my hubby, that understand me.

Not just that I love Disney or that my favorite color is purple but truly UNDERSTAND me and that TRULY support me...

I hope that in my 30s I make more lifelong meaningful friendships.

Which gave me an idea, what if there was like a speed dating type of event but rather than "dating" you're "making friends" - I got a fortune cookie as soon as I had this thought and that felt like a bit of an epiphany-esque... or was it just a coincidence...

I dunno... And for my 40th birthday, hopefully, again, I can say that "I still remember the days I prayed for the things I have now..."

That is all,

Til next time

Lilly Perez-Ngo