FATshion Journal Blog by Lilly

I wish I could tell you that I photographed every outfit and found the perfect background for each OOTD while on this lifelong dream trip BUT phones broke, I was fighting a cold, carrying a heavy camera and trying to soak in all of my "go to happy memories" for later-later (ready my previous post ;) Allora, it was just nearly IMPOSSIBLE and dare I say, just not a BFD... That's not to say that I didn't get some great pics ;-) some of which you can check out on my IG and my IG highlights. Traveling to Italy was a lifelong dream trip come true and when Vinh first told me we would be going, the second thought, after thinking holy shit bells, was, I can go shopping for spring early! Well, I shopped til I dropped and then, because I'm so smart, I checked weather afterward; my heart sank when the forecast said 30-40° and showers! Yall know I love the rain but I had to rethink all of my outfits and all of my packing efforts! We bought backpacks with enough spa...

I don't even know where to begin! Ummm, from the beginning, I guess... *Disclaimer: the trip was amazing! And as much I want to include my Fatshion OOTD for travel - this post is more about #FatGirlsCan - Fat girls can travel, fat girls girls can eat without counting calories, fat girls can be happy, THIS fat girl, with anxiety issues, can!!! Without further ado: Veni vidi vici We welcomed 2018 at home talking and talking and talking (and some dancing) about our dreams, our hopes, and our wishes for 2018. I told Vinh I wanted to get real for a milli-sec and this year would be the year of new adventures for us- every month I wanted us to try something new, and not just in the bedroom ;-0 - LMFAO - I couldn't help myself (My teenage sense of humor is another example as to why I'm not ready for kids). It would be as simple as a new restaurant, a new hobby, a new activity, now, I'm a strong believer that marriage in of itself is an adventure but that doesn't...

Gun to head... Dots or solids? DOTS! Duh! I am obsessed with dots... When I'm shopping, I have to stop myself about 85% of the time from buying more polk-a-dots. A closet dreams I have on the daily... A closet arranged by color (current status-ish) and having a rainbow set of polk-a-dots blouses... Awgh... And in honor of the Rock the Dots QUEEN, Minnie Mouse, I am rocking my dots with my new favorite pantalones! I've been in love with the look of these pants all my life- I've loved them on every fashion magazine, on every fashion model, and on every stick-figured mannequin. And every time I would built up the nerve to try them on, I would be super-let-down when they didn't look the same way on me. Thus I've grown extremely resentful for the kinda mind-fucking that happens to my brain through advertising. But in the last 5 years since finally joining the social media realm... And being introduced to IG... My perspective and the mind-fuckery o...

I remember feeling so pissed off last year and this year I'm really doing okay. I had a rough mental year - I fantasized on more than one occasion a world without me and it took an outstanding toll on me. But in a good way, because after the darkest hour comes light because I feel like I am more centered; I feel prepared because in this rough year, though I contemplated ending it all, I also developed tools* to help me deal with those dark thoughts. *Healthy tools, i.e. It has a lot to do with placing myself and folks around me into "boxes." I already compartmentalize my life and have started to do that with those that surround me. I have a better understanding of what to expect of people and I understnd better what to expect of myself. By no means am I resentful of the boxes people live in; this tool has helped me cope with feelings of being wronged, ignored or unloved. Being angry only shortens your breath and poisons your soul - "so baby, d...

I find myself constantly apologizing for the following life choices: Being married and not having kids Being married to a skinny guy Being fat and being married Being fat and not giving a fuck  Going to Disneyland more than the average person "should" Wanting to spend time alone Laughing too loud Burping too loud Craving more time alone with just me and my hubby Referring to my furry kids as my kids etc etc etc And I am not apologizing to anyone in particular but in conversations and in telling about my weekends, my vacations, my time with my husband- I find myself saying sorry or having to explain my life choices.   And as it usually happens, (I get all reflective and shit during my birthday) and the stark realization is that I don't have to apologize anymore - not that I ever had to but the feeling of "needing to" is subsiding! My life with my husband and my babies is a life I have built for myself because it fulfills me.  We don...

We took a few pics at night and had to use a different exposure - so apologies for the heavy-filtered look;-) Okay... So if you read my last blog-post - THANK YOU! And it was pretty heavy - and thank you to EVERYONE for reading and reaching out!  I appreciate and love everyone who get and understand me as the kinda friend I can be.   On a lighter note, I've been trying my best to organize areas of my life that I have failed to keep organized. My calendar...  My thoughts... My shoes... And--- My Closet!  I've been impulse shopping and filled my closet full of "resort outfits"--- hoping, praying and waiting for a vacation or some type of getaway! And in anticipation of a VERY BUSY FALL I have been emotionally shopping rather than emotionally eating. (I've been experiencing REALLY bad cramps from overeating... Some of you are familiar with the saying: "When you're full but you keep eating..." Well, lately I've been eating past th...