I had a rough mental year - I fantasized on more than one occasion a world without me and it took an outstanding toll on me.
But in a good way, because after the darkest hour comes light because I feel like I am more centered; I feel prepared because in this rough year, though I contemplated ending it all, I also developed tools* to help me deal with those dark thoughts.
*Healthy tools, i.e.
It has a lot to do with placing myself and folks around me into "boxes." I already compartmentalize my life and have started to do that with those that surround me.
I have a better understanding of what to expect of people and I understnd better what to expect of myself.
By no means am I resentful of the boxes people live in; this tool has helped me cope with feelings of being wronged, ignored or unloved.
Being angry only shortens your breath and poisons your soul - "so baby, do you and I'll do me" has been the mantra to save me from feeling angry, resentful and insignificant.
I wrote a blog this year that inspired many followers to get in touch with me and one, I was delighted to know that y'all are reading my little corner of a blog and two, I was reminded that I am a gift and you're a gift- we just have to be willing to receive and give gifts to each other.
I will forever applaud your successes and your wins because being happy for people has truly been the best gift this year!
Genuine joy for others can really brighten your heart and inspire hope in ways that I cannot begin to explain...
This year a coworker was promoted and I am forever humbled by her determination, stamina and overall kindness -
This year my lil' brother and sister in law announced they're expecting and it's going to be a GIRL! And I am forever inspired by their love and support for each other.
This year my husband superceded so many expectations and I am forever proud to say #ThatsMyHusVinh
This year my parents really struggled being empty nesters but as you read this, they're making the best of their trip to Nicaragua (My mom broke her ankle and her toes- but they're doing their best to enjoy their time) And I am forever grateful for them -
This year my grandma got touched by angel and by God himself and my faith and trust in the lord is forever strengthened!
This year my dad lost his mom but outta something tragic blossommed a rekindled sibling relationship that had been torn by disagreements. And my dad has his brother again!
This year the families I work with showed me what life has to offer when you truly thank God for what you have and not beg him for things that you want.
I prayed on the daily that God would give me the strength to live on and I found resolution in the strangest of places... In Lady Gaga's music, particularly this song.
Though I had a million reasons to give up on life, the good Lord gave me one good reason to stay.
I prayed on the daily that God would give me the strength to live on and I found resolution in the strangest of places... In Lady Gaga's music, particularly this song.
Though I had a million reasons to give up on life, the good Lord gave me one good reason to stay.
This year overall was rough politically, mentally and physically but fucking hell! I survived and that's enough!
And all "new year, new me" BS aside... I am excited for the new year and new experiences! So the hubby and I will do our best to have at least one new experience a month... And we're taking suggestions.
On that note - happy new year y'all!
Til next time,
Toodles,
Lilly Perez-Ngo
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