I don't even know where to begin! Ummm, from the beginning, I guess... *Disclaimer: the trip was amazing! And as much I want to include my Fatshion OOTD for travel - this post is more about #FatGirlsCan - Fat girls can travel, fat girls girls can eat without counting calories, fat girls can be happy, THIS fat girl, with anxiety issues, can!!!
Without further ado:
Veni vidi vici
Without further ado:
Veni vidi vici
We welcomed 2018 at home talking and talking and talking (and some dancing) about our dreams, our hopes, and our wishes for 2018.
I told Vinh I wanted to get real for a milli-sec and this year would be the year of new adventures for us- every month I wanted us to try something new, and not just in the bedroom ;-0 - LMFAO - I couldn't help myself (My teenage sense of humor is another example as to why I'm not ready for kids).
It would be as simple as a new restaurant, a new hobby, a new activity, now, I'm a strong believer that marriage in of itself is an adventure but that doesn't mean you have to stick to a day to day, week to week, month to month routine... Which is why I wanted to try something new, a new year's resolution if you will, with small adventures, if at least once a month.
And so I really, really, really wanted to go to this unique dining experience BUT tickets were sold out by the time we were ready to book...
Soooooo... I threw a real-minor tantrum and said screw this new adventure idea, it's not gonna happen, this was a stupid idea, etc. etc. etc.
The following week Vinh said "Let's renew our passports just in case we decide to travel soon" (last August we couldn't even travel to Canada cause our passports had expired)
A few days after that, the HusVinh said he found a LEGIT deal for Italy, to which I said, what I always say when things are too good to be true, "Don't f*ck with me Vinh."
And voila! He booked a trip, finalized the deets and surprised me with a booking and confirmation number!
Sidenote: Cookies were had! Cookies, cookies cookies everywhere!
Anyways... I kept our trip hush-hush because I have an irrational fear of happiness. I didn't wanna show boat and have it all taken away from me.
Meaning, what I said before, about things "being too good to be true" when I feel an overwhelming sense of endorphins, I become overwhelmed with anxiety and doom.
My therapist has asked me two questions, question 1: "why does happiness scare you?" Well simple and straight forward answer; I feel guilty, I feel fearful of losing it, or I feel like I don't deserve it...
Believe me, it's an on going life struggle and geez louise did I overcome parts of that anxiety while in Italy! Which bring me to question 2: " what's the best that can happen?" - - -
Again from the beginning; you can say I fell in love with Italy when I saw A room with a view and Only You and The Italian Job and Under the Tuscan Sun or Reading Eat, pray, love, - Angels and Demons, and good lordy, watching the Lizzie McGuire Movie.
And now after a month of being back and reading back my journal entries, I've been dying to put this trip into words but I just can't seem to keep it concise...
But goodness gracious, I'm gonna give it the old college attempt.
See... I fell in love with the idea of finding love in Italy, I fell in love with the conservation of history in Italy, I fell in love with the idea of guilty-free food enjoyment in Italy... I fell in love with the lifestyle of Italy!
And IRL, I fell in love more with my husband, I learned how history is truly written by those who have hung heroes, I have an on-going affair with house red wine and rich pasta and I am in love with the idea of walking everywhere I go!
But most of all, I am in love with the OPPORTUNITY that I was blessed with! I am a kid, a grown-ass kid, from East Side San Jose who grew up in Section 8 apartments, sitting at my window, desk or bed, dreaming of the day I would get to see the Leaning Tower of Pisa, make a wish at the Trevi fountain, eat the pasta I read about in Eat, Pray, Love or see the Tuscan Sun like Diane Lane did or walk the streets of Rome like Lizzie McGuire, or board a Gondola like Charlie and Stella do at the of the Italian Job.
I mean, Holy shit balls! I did all that! I LIVED a lifelong dream!
When we landed, I cried! When my hubby did the most and had a driver ready for us with our last name, Perez-Ngo, on the drivers' sign, I cried.
During a 40 minute drive to our hotel, we briefly passed the Colosseum, I cried.
We went out to dinner after an 8 hour siesta, and I cried over dinner!
Do you see a running theme here?
I cried majority of the trip from an exuberant amount of happiness! I cry when I'm happy, and biologically speaking that happens because our body is chemically experiencing soo much happiness that it balances itself by crying... That's legit AF happiness!
I got to see a part of the world that not everyone gets to see! I was extremely appreciative! Every time I reflected on what this trip meant, I would look over at Vinh and smile ear to ear and would get teary eyed.
On our second to last night, we had dinner in Venice, in a cute restaurant tucked, almost hidden, in a corner and dinner convo was asking each other, as we normally do, what was each other's highlight of the trip.
Vinh enjoyed Rome in the snow the most because not everyone gets to experience a snowy and whimsical Rome like we did (his words) and he really enjoyed our cooking day in Florence... The day we "argued"...
...The day we argued, I was annoyed cause he needed to have a tripe sandwhich when we were shopping for the food (mind you, we were with our cooking class group) And he got annoyed that I got annoyed - So when we started cooking we were really cold toward each other which must've been super lovely and awkward for the other two couples ;-) By the time the meat began to simmer, the chef made a cheesy joke and we stared at each other and just smiled and just like that we had one argument in Italy and the food, as always, came to the rescue.
Then it was my turn to answer the question, "The highlight of my trip was Hostaria Roma - ONE OF THE BEST MEALS AND CONVOS OF MY LIFE- and this feeling..." I pause because I feel myself welling up... And I point to my smile... And the tears streamed down my face as I say, "This feeling, it's happiness and I've been able to enjoy it! I fully committed and I'm not ready to part with it... Can we please stay here forever..." AND THEN Vinh said with his eyes welling up and voice breaking, "I'd be crazy to say no to anything that makes you smile like that..."
And there we were, in Venice, , in a restaurant, crying, not saying much with words but everything with tears and holding hands. AND that ladies and gents, is the answer to question 2: This is the best thing can happen.
I knew in that instant that I had fallen more in love with Vinh, my partner, friend and lover.
I explained to Vinh that I sometimes I would cry because the anxiety monster rears its ugly head; I begin to imagine the worse possible scenario, I can get robbed, what if I'm assaulted, what if we get lost and never make it back to our hotel, what if our credit cards stop working, what if I forget the pin to my card, what if my shoes fall apart, what if I get sick, what if I get my period, what if, what if, what if... It's. Not. Logical. It's Anxiety.
And guess what happened, my phone broke, I fought off a cold (I had to sleep a lot to make sure I didn't get sick), I got my period, Vinh lost his phone, I had a day full of plantar fasciitis, a taxi driver jipped us 40 euro (we didn't say anything cause in a foreign country, we try to not ruffle feathers), it snowed on our second day (Vinh loved it! And so did I but our plans for the day were halted because everything was closed and neither of us packed for snow)Venice flooded a couple inches... Etc, eyc, etc...
The point is that the "worse case scenario(s)" happened and we still had a hell of a good time aka hella good time! AND again, ladies and gents, that is the answer to question 2: This is the best thing can happen.
And my need to document these moments stems from wanting these moments to live forever (When dark clouds loom over my head, pictures are a great reminder!) One way I manage this urge is by journaling and through photography.
I use my words and when that isn't enough I have to capture it in a photograph. So when my phone broke and his phone got lost, luckily I still had my DSLR but most importantly, I still had my journal and my book.
I ended up not missing our phones too much and was able to savor and file my memory bank with many "go to happy thoughts" or what Jen Lawson refers to as "Furiously happy" moments.
I was able to capture some amazing photos and I was able to capture many mental pictures And I am forever grateful for this amazing lifelong dream trip on so many levels; the adventures, the experience, the people, the food, the wine, the lessons learned, the language, e allora, e ultimo ma non meno importante il mio amore!
Here are some photos of our last day, my last anxious ridden bucket list item, boarding a gondola with the love of my life and walking the streets of Venice was the perfect end to a perfectly-imperfect trip.
P. S. We booked via TripMasters ;-)
I told Vinh I wanted to get real for a milli-sec and this year would be the year of new adventures for us- every month I wanted us to try something new, and not just in the bedroom ;-0 - LMFAO - I couldn't help myself (My teenage sense of humor is another example as to why I'm not ready for kids).
It would be as simple as a new restaurant, a new hobby, a new activity, now, I'm a strong believer that marriage in of itself is an adventure but that doesn't mean you have to stick to a day to day, week to week, month to month routine... Which is why I wanted to try something new, a new year's resolution if you will, with small adventures, if at least once a month.
And so I really, really, really wanted to go to this unique dining experience BUT tickets were sold out by the time we were ready to book...
Soooooo... I threw a real-minor tantrum and said screw this new adventure idea, it's not gonna happen, this was a stupid idea, etc. etc. etc.
The following week Vinh said "Let's renew our passports just in case we decide to travel soon" (last August we couldn't even travel to Canada cause our passports had expired)
A few days after that, the HusVinh said he found a LEGIT deal for Italy, to which I said, what I always say when things are too good to be true, "Don't f*ck with me Vinh."
And voila! He booked a trip, finalized the deets and surprised me with a booking and confirmation number!
Sidenote: Cookies were had! Cookies, cookies cookies everywhere!
Anyways... I kept our trip hush-hush because I have an irrational fear of happiness. I didn't wanna show boat and have it all taken away from me.
Meaning, what I said before, about things "being too good to be true" when I feel an overwhelming sense of endorphins, I become overwhelmed with anxiety and doom.
My therapist has asked me two questions, question 1: "why does happiness scare you?" Well simple and straight forward answer; I feel guilty, I feel fearful of losing it, or I feel like I don't deserve it...
Believe me, it's an on going life struggle and geez louise did I overcome parts of that anxiety while in Italy! Which bring me to question 2: " what's the best that can happen?" - - -
Again from the beginning; you can say I fell in love with Italy when I saw A room with a view and Only You and The Italian Job and Under the Tuscan Sun or Reading Eat, pray, love, - Angels and Demons, and good lordy, watching the Lizzie McGuire Movie.
And now after a month of being back and reading back my journal entries, I've been dying to put this trip into words but I just can't seem to keep it concise...
But goodness gracious, I'm gonna give it the old college attempt.
See... I fell in love with the idea of finding love in Italy, I fell in love with the conservation of history in Italy, I fell in love with the idea of guilty-free food enjoyment in Italy... I fell in love with the lifestyle of Italy!
And IRL, I fell in love more with my husband, I learned how history is truly written by those who have hung heroes, I have an on-going affair with house red wine and rich pasta and I am in love with the idea of walking everywhere I go!
I mean, Holy shit balls! I did all that! I LIVED a lifelong dream!
When we landed, I cried! When my hubby did the most and had a driver ready for us with our last name, Perez-Ngo, on the drivers' sign, I cried.
During a 40 minute drive to our hotel, we briefly passed the Colosseum, I cried.
Do you see a running theme here?
I cried majority of the trip from an exuberant amount of happiness! I cry when I'm happy, and biologically speaking that happens because our body is chemically experiencing soo much happiness that it balances itself by crying... That's legit AF happiness!
I got to see a part of the world that not everyone gets to see! I was extremely appreciative! Every time I reflected on what this trip meant, I would look over at Vinh and smile ear to ear and would get teary eyed.
On our second to last night, we had dinner in Venice, in a cute restaurant tucked, almost hidden, in a corner and dinner convo was asking each other, as we normally do, what was each other's highlight of the trip.
Vinh enjoyed Rome in the snow the most because not everyone gets to experience a snowy and whimsical Rome like we did (his words) and he really enjoyed our cooking day in Florence... The day we "argued"...
...The day we argued, I was annoyed cause he needed to have a tripe sandwhich when we were shopping for the food (mind you, we were with our cooking class group) And he got annoyed that I got annoyed - So when we started cooking we were really cold toward each other which must've been super lovely and awkward for the other two couples ;-) By the time the meat began to simmer, the chef made a cheesy joke and we stared at each other and just smiled and just like that we had one argument in Italy and the food, as always, came to the rescue.
And there we were, in Venice, , in a restaurant, crying, not saying much with words but everything with tears and holding hands. AND that ladies and gents, is the answer to question 2: This is the best thing can happen.
I knew in that instant that I had fallen more in love with Vinh, my partner, friend and lover.
I explained to Vinh that I sometimes I would cry because the anxiety monster rears its ugly head; I begin to imagine the worse possible scenario, I can get robbed, what if I'm assaulted, what if we get lost and never make it back to our hotel, what if our credit cards stop working, what if I forget the pin to my card, what if my shoes fall apart, what if I get sick, what if I get my period, what if, what if, what if... It's. Not. Logical. It's Anxiety.
And guess what happened, my phone broke, I fought off a cold (I had to sleep a lot to make sure I didn't get sick), I got my period, Vinh lost his phone, I had a day full of plantar fasciitis, a taxi driver jipped us 40 euro (we didn't say anything cause in a foreign country, we try to not ruffle feathers), it snowed on our second day (Vinh loved it! And so did I but our plans for the day were halted because everything was closed and neither of us packed for snow)Venice flooded a couple inches... Etc, eyc, etc...
The point is that the "worse case scenario(s)" happened and we still had a hell of a good time aka hella good time! AND again, ladies and gents, that is the answer to question 2: This is the best thing can happen.
And my need to document these moments stems from wanting these moments to live forever (When dark clouds loom over my head, pictures are a great reminder!) One way I manage this urge is by journaling and through photography.
I use my words and when that isn't enough I have to capture it in a photograph. So when my phone broke and his phone got lost, luckily I still had my DSLR but most importantly, I still had my journal and my book.
I ended up not missing our phones too much and was able to savor and file my memory bank with many "go to happy thoughts" or what Jen Lawson refers to as "Furiously happy" moments.
I was able to capture some amazing photos and I was able to capture many mental pictures And I am forever grateful for this amazing lifelong dream trip on so many levels; the adventures, the experience, the people, the food, the wine, the lessons learned, the language, e allora, e ultimo ma non meno importante il mio amore!
Here are some photos of our last day, my last anxious ridden bucket list item, boarding a gondola with the love of my life and walking the streets of Venice was the perfect end to a perfectly-imperfect trip.
P. S. We booked via TripMasters ;-)
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