FATshion Journal Blog by Lilly

In the course of the last few weeks my dad went through old family albums and found some really awesome pictures of moi! It took me back to a time when I enjoyed being a kid  because we could play dress up. Today, it seems like we have to make up or have an excuse to "play" dress-up. As adults, we wait for Halloween or a themed party to dress a certain way. And even then, it's like a requirement to show more skin than I feel is comfortable... I just began to reminisce, especially when looking through all these pictures... I loved putting on my mom's dresses, her jewelery , her heels and putting on make up ( and my applying make up skills are still as "good" as they were then ;-) I would dress up and play with my imaginary friend, Fred and/or with my cousin.We would make up the most ridiculous story lines and sometime inappropriate, thanks to our moms' tele- novellas ... As a kid it didn't matter if you were tall, short, skinny or ...

About two weeks ago, today, we were packing away for our trip to Disneyland and we were super stoked and super nervous because we were taking my Babo's cousins and my niece, nephew and cousin. It was a total of 4 teenage boys and 2 girls, my Babo and myself. We looked like an awesome eclectic Brady Bunch. I love that 50-100 years from now the world will be an awesome-beautiful mix salad! And we had an awesome time, the reason I'm writing about it now is because my awesome Dad found some pictures of my first time ever at Disneyland! Which I am going to enter for the #Disneyland60Contest It just boggles my mind, I mean, we all say that time flies, But man! Looking back at those pictures! It's like... Holy sh*t balls! It really does... What sucks is that we didn't take a group picture but we do have these... On California Scremin' at Disneyland's California Adventure - I'm so cool I'm on their twice! lol Taking this trip did kinda make it e...

If you struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide, please visit this page . Its been a day and I can't help but relate...hearing about suicides triggers too many gloomy feelings... I need to get comfortable with words like depression and suicide. I once wrote about the ugly side of my GAD (you can read it here) and in it I said that I have played Russian roulette with my life - it was my way of telling the world of my attempts, yes, more than once.... As a survivor... I can't help but relate and almost romanticize death and freedom. I struggle with the idea of disappearing almost everyday. I could be having, what "normal" people call a "good" day or a "bad" day, it doesn't matter.  Today, I heard folks calling him a coward, selfish and a quitter... But little do people know (either because they lack experience or they don't care to know) that it's a constant struggle. No one knows his demons, no one knows m...

I am currently losing a fight with myself and I feel like I have been emotionally beaten by others and myself...  So today's post is short and sweet... In the meantime I am doing some self-healing by reading, drinking, eating and WRITING! and by the grace of God, a coworker invited me to join a challenge of 5 Days of Gratitude...  A reminder that even when I am mad at the world and myself - I have so much to be thankful for...  So today was Day 1 and it was all thanks to a pretty awesome morning when I got 3 1/2hrs to myself... If you remind yourself how blessed you are, it has a different impact on the rest of your day... And because of this I am also reminded that I need to attend church again- I haven't been able to in a really long time! I miss having time to decompress and reflect... I am in a dark room, I know where the light switch but for some reason I choose to stay in the dark... In order to be in the light and out of the d...

In a perfect world, according to me... Today would've started with a good morning kiss and with breakfast pastries in bed ... Later, before heading to work and me off to run errands, we could've shared a mimosa to celebrate today!  It's the small things... chivalry, a smile, a joke, a few kind words... And then... In the evening there would've been some fun had at color me mine and later-later we would've had my favorite type of dinner; small, intimate, good food, good wine and laughs - BUT instead one year later after our engagement, both parties got snarky and rude... So to that point that's what the August 1st Wedding Update is about... Around our first weeks of being engaged, someone told us that marriage is about wanting to strangle, to death, the person sleeping next to you but not doing so because you'd miss them too much... And today is one of those days... This also reminds me of someone's random thought of the...

Look up East Side Heroes and Find How You Can Give Back This past weekend there was a news feed going around on FB and it was about a brawl that went down in East Side San Jose along Story Rd. Reading about these news reports, in more recent day has become the norm... Almost as consistent as the news reports we were so use to hearing from Oakland. And I'm not gonna lie to y'all, those Oakland news reports scared the shit outta me... And still do...  But I have developed an immense amount of "a-ha" feelings because when I saw news reports about the East Side I always thought to myself, that it's not as bad as they depict it in the news. At least I use to- In more recent weeks the police blogger alerts go off way more often than they use to and with this news report circling FB... I dunno why but it just got more real... But here is my gripe with the story... Some ignorant self-righteous prick got on there and left a comment that "EastS...

 A whole year... and the only difference is the color...and wrinkles... Nothing serious... Today marks a whole year that I haven't bothered to cut or dye my hair!  I have wanted my long hair back... since like forever... Not a regret just a lesson  learned - note to self DO NOT get haircut when emotionally driven out of anger (That's why I cut my hair hella short about 5 years ago) I'm not sure why I have waited so damn long... But I am in dire need of a haircut (like a trim)!  Right now I have the Poor (Wo)Man's ombre... no joke- someone asked me where I got my ombre done because it was exactly what they were looking for and I was so embarrassed and flattered... btw. that's a weird mixture of feelings... And it really has been on my mind because this Friday will mark another huge milestone or bucket list item that occurred a year ago... I was trying to think of the last time I cut or dyed my hair and it was right before I left to the City o...