I can't help but relate...

If you struggle with depression and thoughts of suicide, please visit this page.

Its been a day and I can't help but relate...hearing about suicides triggers too many gloomy feelings...

I need to get comfortable with words like depression and suicide. I once wrote about the ugly side of my GAD (you can read it here) and in it I said that I have played Russian roulette with my life - it was my way of telling the world of my attempts, yes, more than once....

As a survivor... I can't help but relate and almost romanticize death and freedom. I struggle with the idea of disappearing almost everyday.

I could be having, what "normal" people call a "good" day or a "bad" day, it doesn't matter. 

Today, I heard folks calling him a coward, selfish and a quitter...

But little do people know (either because they lack experience or they don't care to know) that it's a constant struggle. No one knows his demons, no one knows my demons, and no one knows your demons as well as you do...

And whether I am surrounded by people who love me or not- it's difficult, everyday.

Don't get me wrong, being around people that really love me and know me, the REAL me, that are not fooled by the smile I put on, that try to comprehend the demons that haunt me, those folks, have saved me on more occasions than they know.

If you know someone who suffers with depression or these thoughts, hug them, love them, call them, even if it's over a gajillion times... And they don't respond... Still do...

I gotta decompress... I've read super moons, full moons, have a correlation with mental illness - so that may explain why these gloomy clouds are gloomier than usual. So, some self-healing is well over due..how? I'm still figuring it out

I promise, next few week's blogs I will keep it light on a reflection about FATSHION and our trip to Disneyland...

That is all

Til next Tuesday,

Bye...