FATshion Journal Blog by Lilly

* Trigger warning- (I recently saw a movie that I wish had started with one) so the following blogpost will include: anxiety, self-harm, suicide Thank you readers and followers that interact with my blog and my insta-stories, this one's for y'all. Thank you for providing affirmations and concern over my little corner on this Earth. Necklace from TYPO Thi will be some heavy shit, I know... I usually manage my functional depression really well and I made it throught the Holidays without fully bumming out so I thought I was in the clear for 2019. But God has a sick and twisted sense of humor because while I was planning weekend activities and #ootd shots - life slapped me with a wave of anger, shame, desperation, fatigue and overall put in a really shitty-fucking-selfhating mood. I could feel myself sinking and drowning but rather than ask for help, I put on a brave face and smiled- (I am sometimes of the "live in denial" mindset) Until Feb 18th when I lite...

Happy New Year's Y'all! I am happy to be back! I am happy that it's the beginning of the year when the days feel refreshed and reinvigorated. I am not so much of the "new year, new me" attitude BUT a new year does represent a much more glacier pace of life for me. I kinda fell off the face of the Earth or at least my blog since September 2018... October, our birthday month was superbusy, November at work is an insane time and December is for the holidays sooooooo by the end of the year - I am just waiting with bated breath for new years! Aaaaaaaand January is also home to one of my favoritest days of the year! National Polka Dot Day! In honor of the the Polka Dot Queen herself, Minnie Mouse! If it has dots! I want it! I got it! ;-) And dude!!! I celebrated in what I can only describe as pants sent from heaven! They are from Zara and I bought them ON SALE, maybe six months ago and they come in XXL! I fell in love with them the minute I put them on SO ...

Yeah, you read that right! Your eyes do not deceive you... Long Live the Mother Fuckin FUPA! May the Fat Upper Pussy Area reign forever! I am a fat woman with a fat body, that includes fat thighs, a fat stomach, a fat face, fat arms and a Fat. Upper. Pussy. Area. And my God, I am on the verge of turning 33 thus by my calculations, it has taken me well over 21 summers to FINALLY look forward to the summer. I am at my heaviest I've been in my adult life, 210lbs if you must know- AND I am finally wearing shorts without shame! And for the first time in sooooooooo many, many, many, many, many, many... Well you get the gist... It has been years since I looked forward to bathing suit season for the actual bathing suits. As we officially come to mark the end of summer I would like to share that loving myself is a continuous journey. There are days I wish I were as fat as the days when I thought I was "fat" - at 163lbs. And then there are days that I simply thank G...

         Photos hopped via Snapseed Soooooooo... It's been a minute. And I told y'all on Insta this post is deep-ish and deep-esque. I havent posted on the blog because I simply wasn't motivated or inspired to... And the summer wasn't more busy than usual BUT my mind was. I have figured out that my most mentally tormenting months are the Summer months. Summer 2018 was a bit better than years before - not entirely sure why- but I'm not complainin' If aything I thank GOD for granting me a little peace of mind of this Summer. Nonetheless I was still inspired to write this blog because a daunting number approaches... Dun-dun-dun! 33! In 44 days I will turn 33! And I am no closer to becoming pregnant. Up until turning 28, I always knew, or at least I thought I did, that I wanted to be a mom. Something, some kind of switch, post quarter-life crisis, flipped in me and the tick-tock of my biological clock stopped ticking. I'm not sure if it was the...

When I proposed that we explore new adventures at least once a month, I was really trying to convince my husband to attend a dinner, very pricey dinner with Outstanding in the Field. As is it turned out, it didn't take much convincing but when we looked up dates in January - they were all booked! :-( And because I am who I am - I felt defeated, I said "fuck this idea" and was over it. My hubby didn't want me to lose momentum and so he began implementing a trip to Italy ( a pretty big adventure to last us a lifetime ), AND on our flight back home, I kept on thinking about what struck this "monthly adventure" idea, so I checked the @out_inthefield insta account and decided to follow them in hopes they would add dates. Then as luck would have it! More! Dates! Were! Announced! And we had a gajillion choices all over the coast of California and we settled on Temecula Olive Oil Company. We booked our flights and our hotels, and a friendly mini travel t...

In our attempt to have a new adventure for every month of 2018- April's adventure proved to be this Disnerd's millionth and one reason to love the Disney Life even more! I've been asked for years! Don't you get bored? Isn't it the same shit each time? It's the same park from when we were kids... Blah, blah, blah Each time, I have to internalize MAJOR eyerolls! I love Disneyland parks! It could be the same shit and I would still have fun, but the thing about Disneyland, you can visit the park for a week straight and still not see and do everything, so each visit there's a chance to do experience something new. Now, before y'all accuse me of selling you Disneyland, I am just setting up our adventure for the month of April because how the eff can I say Disneyland is a part of our new adventure a month quest... WELL we've been visiting the park as a couple for 11 years and somehow we always find something new to do. .. But there's one p...