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| Home Sweet Home - the streets that raised me are colorful |
We read a book titled René Has Two Last Names/René Tiene Dos Apellidos and because as luck would have it - I arrived first and was volunteered to read the Spanish version...
And as always I butchered the Spanish language because I don't practice my Spanish enough (Non-Spanish speaking husband, non-Spanish speaking friends and family that understands and speaks English so I speak English 80-90%)
Anyways, I digress... The book is about a young boy dealing with two last names and what that means in the United States of America. The teacher in his class decided to not read his last name and only calls on him as Rene Colato instead of Rene Colato Lainez. The young boy describes it as if only reading one last name completely erases his other side of his family - as if he loses a whole other side of his identity.
And gosh-darn it! I got all emo in front of my co-workers! It made me think of the many conversations I had about my current last name.
Our identity begins at home - and at home my name is Lillyam - I began kinder with that name and I had a Spanish speaking teacher so my name remained the same - BUT first grade changed things a bit - there were about three of us with the same name - so the other girls were given new names to go by - Lilliana, Lilli and me - Joey - the teacher decided to use my middle name - and she "Americanized" it because she could tell I wasn't a fan of Josefa.
That lasted up until 3rd grade - by that time- I am not sure of what were the circumstances but I started going by Lilly - and for whatever reason my middle-school and high school days - my name became Lilium<---- And goodness gracious - did I ever effin' hate that name!
And if not Lilium - then Coco (because some folks thought I was "white-washed)
And if not Lilium - then Coco (because some folks thought I was "white-washed)
As soon as I got to college - I decided Lilly would be my moniker. So for the last 10+ years that has been my name outside of family functions. My family knows me as Lillyam and others know me as Lilly. Some folks from HS still refer to me as Lilium - but that's just my first name...
Perez-Ngo. There is so much discussion behind the decision of my last name - our last name! I kept my father's last name because I am my Father's daughter...
It goes beyond being daddy's girl or being his princess.I couldn't be more proud to call my father, my daddy! It's why I have kept my last name because it is one of the greatest gifts I can give him - in doing so - I honor my father's dedication and unconditional love.
He has always been there for us, every baseball or
softball game, every tear, every smile and every sort of bratness I can come up
with (yes, present tense, the man still puts up with it) So to my father,
my daddy, my hero today and always - I dedicated my new last name to him.
I
also dedicated my last name to my husband. I am his wife. I am MORE whole with
him. I have developed a whole new part of myself - that I didn't know existed.
A prime example - I would never have been willing to try new foods until I met
him... I found being nice can sometimes be an innate quality (My husband is one
of the nicest people I have ever met! Truly loves and cares for others without
expectation of anything in return [which can sometimes be his achilles
heel]...
I learned laughter is my favoritest quality in my life-partner... I embraced a culture so different and alike mine that it boggles the mind - so I took his last name too! (BTDubs - We are all so alike - all cultures - it saddens me to think how quickly we dismiss each other based on economic status too - especially in this political climate)
But
besides all the love, respect and honor I want to show the men in my life - my
name is also a huge part of my identity. My pre-marital name is Lillyam Josefa Perez.
I didn't realize what a big deal my last name would become until I got married because that meant my last name had to change...right...??? Well, it turns out - there isn't a rule or a law out there that says we have to change our last names!
Without much debate (with each other- because our families on the other hand - we had to do a lot of explaining or avoid the conversation at all costs)
Anyways, the husband and I decided we would both change our last names to a hyphenated last name.
We opted for Perez-Ngo because Ngo-Perez sounds like we're banding Perez...
Keeping Perez as part of my moniker proved to be a whole lot more significant to me after I read this children's book.
Listen, I know it may come as a shocker but I identify as an American first- America is a potluck of cultures and though I am Latinx I am blessed to have been raised in a multicultural neighborhood with multicultural friends.
In that respect- I feel I have to identify, first, as an American because the American experience is a MAJOR part of my identity. And I can't claim to be first a Central American because my upbringing is unique from that of Central America specifically Nicaragua and Guatemala.
And that is why one of my resonating fears is losing my Latinx culture, it's why I purposely attend Spanish mass, intentionally have a Spanish-only Pandora station, force myself to watch news in Spanish (well that- and Jorge Ramos is the original white-haired-fox before Anderson Cooper;-)
And that is why I keep Perez as a part of my new last name - because IT HAS, IT IS and IT WILL be my last name to keep my identity as Latinx alive - I don't want to assimilate and I will not assimilate.
Another MAJOR aspect of my identity is the Section 8 community I grew up in, the Spanish speaking home I was raised in and the many places we'd go kick rocks for fun.
And thee most popular place to kick rocks was Eastridge Mall! When there was an Emporium, when there was an Ice Skating rink, when there use to be three floors! I remember the 2nd floor had the McDonald's and Radio Shack next door...
We would buy ourselves a happy meal, take our drinks and listen to music at Radio shack... I bought my first CD at that mall... The Titanic soundtrack... Don't judge me.
Through out the years we've seen the mall change, sometimes for the better (Barnes and Noble was my savior when I took a year off work) and sometimes for the worse (Hollister at Eastridge- egh- barf bag- I DESPISE HOLLISTER AND A&F)
But one of the latest changes is near Red Robin (Yummmm - sorry I gotta) and JCes't Pennéy - lol!
I drove by JC Penny looking for Ashley Nell Tipton's clothing line which they did not have :-(
BUT my drive was rewarded with something else, these murals created by artist Lila Gemellos.
And this is not meant to trivialize God's handy work but He does answer prayers, you just gotta be willing to listen. I pray for peace of mind and whenever I need a refresher of my life's mission and intentions - it's as if God is there to remind me.
You see, we want our last name to be Perez-Ngo because as you might've read in my previous post- one day- EVENTUALLY- we will have kids and we want our kids to RECOGNIZE where their parents have been, where their grandparents have been, where their great grandparents have been, etc, etc, etc.
Our children will learn compassion, love, respect and understanding and it begins with our names.
And because you can't know where you're going unless you know where you've been... Our children will have two last-names as well!
In addition, I grew up in these Eastside streets, the "ghetto" as ignant folks like to call it (people who use this derogatory term tend to be more triflin' than the hood counterparts they be demeaning- just sayin')
And so what! It's the "ghetto" and it's home where I learned to make a silver spoon out of plastic (Yeah- I'm still quoting Jidenna lyrics)
I see beauty where others see ugliness, I see hope where others see despair and I see the rough edges but even diamonds have their rough edges - you just gotta learn to see beyond your prejudices.
And these murals made me appreciate my hood even more! The use of colors - the use of old and new San Jose... San Jose was known as the Valley of Heart's Delight long before we were Silicon Valley. It's simply gorgeous!
And again! I must reiterate! I love and enjoy expressing my creativity through my style. And being raised with just enough money to survive - I was encouraged to more-so to come up with outfits with the bare-minimum and I learned how to spot a bargain!
When I reflect on my upbringing - I am more than proud to shout it from the hilltops... I am an Eastside gal and I am Lillyam Josefa Perez-Ngo and I keep it Bougie, Sassy, Fat and Real but don't get it twisted boo...
I always RECOGNIZE where I'm from- otherwise I wouldn't know how to get where I'm going...
Looking all sassy and shit!
That is all,
'Til next time,
Toodles,
Mrs. Lillyam Perez-Ngo
Without much debate (with each other- because our families on the other hand - we had to do a lot of explaining or avoid the conversation at all costs)
Anyways, the husband and I decided we would both change our last names to a hyphenated last name.
We opted for Perez-Ngo because Ngo-Perez sounds like we're banding Perez...
Keeping Perez as part of my moniker proved to be a whole lot more significant to me after I read this children's book.
Listen, I know it may come as a shocker but I identify as an American first- America is a potluck of cultures and though I am Latinx I am blessed to have been raised in a multicultural neighborhood with multicultural friends.
In that respect- I feel I have to identify, first, as an American because the American experience is a MAJOR part of my identity. And I can't claim to be first a Central American because my upbringing is unique from that of Central America specifically Nicaragua and Guatemala.
And that is why one of my resonating fears is losing my Latinx culture, it's why I purposely attend Spanish mass, intentionally have a Spanish-only Pandora station, force myself to watch news in Spanish (well that- and Jorge Ramos is the original white-haired-fox before Anderson Cooper;-)
And that is why I keep Perez as a part of my new last name - because IT HAS, IT IS and IT WILL be my last name to keep my identity as Latinx alive - I don't want to assimilate and I will not assimilate.
Another MAJOR aspect of my identity is the Section 8 community I grew up in, the Spanish speaking home I was raised in and the many places we'd go kick rocks for fun.
And thee most popular place to kick rocks was Eastridge Mall! When there was an Emporium, when there was an Ice Skating rink, when there use to be three floors! I remember the 2nd floor had the McDonald's and Radio Shack next door...
We would buy ourselves a happy meal, take our drinks and listen to music at Radio shack... I bought my first CD at that mall... The Titanic soundtrack... Don't judge me.
Through out the years we've seen the mall change, sometimes for the better (Barnes and Noble was my savior when I took a year off work) and sometimes for the worse (Hollister at Eastridge- egh- barf bag- I DESPISE HOLLISTER AND A&F)
But one of the latest changes is near Red Robin (Yummmm - sorry I gotta) and JCes't Pennéy - lol!
I drove by JC Penny looking for Ashley Nell Tipton's clothing line which they did not have :-(
BUT my drive was rewarded with something else, these murals created by artist Lila Gemellos.
 |
| See artist work on Instagram |
 |
| It's gorgeous and I can't wait to see the completed work - please check-out her sketches. |
As soon as I saw the murals, I thought of this dress, this jacket, my most recent job training and it all came together, almost by God's design.
And this is not meant to trivialize God's handy work but He does answer prayers, you just gotta be willing to listen. I pray for peace of mind and whenever I need a refresher of my life's mission and intentions - it's as if God is there to remind me.
You see, we want our last name to be Perez-Ngo because as you might've read in my previous post- one day- EVENTUALLY- we will have kids and we want our kids to RECOGNIZE where their parents have been, where their grandparents have been, where their great grandparents have been, etc, etc, etc.
Our children will learn compassion, love, respect and understanding and it begins with our names.
And because you can't know where you're going unless you know where you've been... Our children will have two last-names as well!
In addition, I grew up in these Eastside streets, the "ghetto" as ignant folks like to call it (people who use this derogatory term tend to be more triflin' than the hood counterparts they be demeaning- just sayin')
I see beauty where others see ugliness, I see hope where others see despair and I see the rough edges but even diamonds have their rough edges - you just gotta learn to see beyond your prejudices.
And these murals made me appreciate my hood even more! The use of colors - the use of old and new San Jose... San Jose was known as the Valley of Heart's Delight long before we were Silicon Valley. It's simply gorgeous!
And again! I must reiterate! I love and enjoy expressing my creativity through my style. And being raised with just enough money to survive - I was encouraged to more-so to come up with outfits with the bare-minimum and I learned how to spot a bargain!
So here are the outfit deets...
Growing up my dad insisted only certain colors match and that you do not mix patterns AND if there is a characteristic about my personality that remains consistent - it's that I DO NOT LIKE being told what to do and not to do... So as soon as I was "old enough" to choose my clothing - I began mix-matching my socks - (Actually threw away ALL of my white Socks!) So as soon as I saw this mural -my intuition and aesthetic taste immediately wanted to pair black and white stripes with this mural!
The mural and the dress compliment each other!
And you know your girl - I had to have a pop of red! Shoes are BCBG and I got 'em for $10!
The dress is from Eloquii - I bought the dress last year and I "window" shopped for days and days until the dress finally went on sale. Their items are not as budget friendly (I work for a non-profit)
but the prices are well worth the fit! The sleeves fit! The waist hugs wear it's suppose to! And my boobs do not pull at the buttons!
Though this dress did fit me a bit long - I had it hemmed (I am only 5'4"ish really 5'3";-)
And voila the hem made a world of a difference!
The jacket is about 5-6 years old and it use to close but I have gained a few inches from when I first bought it and what I love about denim jackets, they're a classic staple to any wardrobe,
at any age, for practically any season -
This dress can go from day to evening - so to give you a better idea - I combined a day piece (denim jacket) with evening shoes. To make it more date night official - I have a camel colored jacket or faux black leather jacket to pair - and to make it more casual - I could simply wear any of my Keds :-)
And to add fabulousness! You can always add a statement necklace, a belt to cinch at the waist
(PS - I wear dresses so I can eat more - hehehe - so belts are really only worn
when I don't plan on eating too much - lmao!)
When I reflect on my upbringing - I am more than proud to shout it from the hilltops... I am an Eastside gal and I am Lillyam Josefa Perez-Ngo and I keep it Bougie, Sassy, Fat and Real but don't get it twisted boo...
I always RECOGNIZE where I'm from- otherwise I wouldn't know how to get where I'm going...
Looking all sassy and shit!
That is all,
'Til next time,
Toodles,
Mrs. Lillyam Perez-Ngo
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